It was once said, “to give much is to receive much.”
Not only is this one of my favorite sayings and the motto associated with my sorority, but it is one I try my hardest to live by.
Whether in my personal or professional life, I devote my entire being into bettering myself and becoming a more compassionate and empathetic individual.
When it comes to my friendships, I like to put in what I’d like to receive…and that is effort.
I like to regularly check in with friends to see how they are doing and do so whether they are going through a hard time or not.
Recently I had a rather large falling out with one of my best friends and I’m still trying to put the pieces together as to what happened.
This individual was someone I could pour my heart and soul to and I knew they wouldn’t share what I had said with anybody.
This wonderful soul celebrated my best times and comforted me through some of my worst moments.
They were there for me through thick and thin as was I, for them.
Everything started to change however and I’m still trying to figure out where things went awry.
This person started to become rather distant and would only respond to me if I were to reach out first. Mind you, if I were to reach out, we’d have amazing conversations and would hang out together.
Whether it is because this individual made new friends or developed new interests, I don’t know. All I know is that my best friend had slowly but surely begun slipping through my fingers.
I tried to grasp on for a long time, to preserve what was unfortunately being lost, but it ended up being too much work and would distract me from the strong and healthy relationships I did have in my life.
I wish things could be different but I’ve made my choices and you’ve made yours.
I should have stopped trying when you stopped asking me to do things with you. I should have seen that I was no longer of importance but I held on so tight because our friendship was so valuable to me and felt infinite to me and as if nothing would enable it to crumble.
I was wrong.
Our friendship cracked and now we walk on eggshells, refusing to look one another in the eye. I don’t know what I did that was so wrong that you decided I and our friendship were no longer meaningful to you.
I’ve tried to ask as well as apologize and you’ve refused to tell me so I’ve stopped reaching out.
Maybe you’ll realize that I’ve moved on without you and perhaps that’s for the better. I’ve done a lot of growing over these past few months and I’ve learned a lot…from what I want in my life, to what I would like to avoid and everything in between.
I hope one day you think fondly of our friendship…of the good times we shared, because there were many.
I hope you understand why I’ve stopped trying to reach out and will maybe question yourself the next time you try and spark a conversation with me, because I’m sure it’s bound to happen.
I hope you stop and think…what could I have done to make her not want to go back to being friends with me.
Maybe the answer is simple or perhaps it’s more complex, that I’m unsure.
What I do know is this.
Friendship is precious and should not be treated lightly. It isn’t fair for one person to put in all the effort, to give relentlessly and receive little to nothing in return.
Friendship is a two way street and will not properly function if one side is unbalanced.
I hope you realize I’ve changed for the better and that is in part because of you.
I no longer have drama in my life. I don’t have to worry that what I say to you will travel to wandering ears.
But most importantly I’ve come to understand that sometimes people come and go in our life.
I try and fix what I cannot change and I am working on ways in which I can go about accepting the events of the past and moving on.
You are a ghost, yet we are both very much alive.
Our friendship lingers with each step we take and I see your memory etched in the conversations I have with my other friends.
You chose to block me out but I’ve refused to let you slip from my memory.
Your friendship, the time we shared and the memories we made are priceless. They will forever be ingrained in my mind, in my heart and in the story that we call life.